


Forty-Eight Hours

by jonsasnow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Oliver Queen POV, Season 4 Arrow, olicity - Freeform, post 4x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 18:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5344604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonsasnow/pseuds/jonsasnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver reflects on what forty-eight hours in Central City has done to him, to his life, and to his relationship with the woman that he loves.</p>
<p>[Post Season 4x08]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forty-Eight Hours

**Author's Note:**

> There is a lot of anger going around the fandom at Oliver. I understand it, I really do, but my anger is not directed at Oliver. I'm disappointed but I understand. What implicitly plays out in Arrow time and time again is Oliver's struggle with PTSD and how that informs his decisions. Just because he is in a healthy relationship and learning to love himself again does not mean that he is rid of his mental illness. Something like that sticks around and it can cause a person to fall back to familiar ways in times of great stress.
> 
> So here is my take on Oliver's perspective post 4x08 and how he's handling everything in his life.

In forty-eight hours, Oliver’s whole world had caved in on itself and he was left there lying in the darkness, unable to call for help, unable to see a way out. Everything he had learned - every _single_  mistake he had grown from - all came down to nothing and it pains him to know that all it takes is for forty-eight hours to rewrite Oliver Queen. 

He sits up in his bed and stares. The lights from the city cast long shadows on the wall opposite of his bed - the bed that _he_  shares with a woman he does not deserve - and he feels his whole body ache with regret. Oliver had wanted so _desperately_  to start a new chapter with Felicity because even in the darkness - even in the turmoil that keeps threatening to consume him - he still knows with a hundred percent clarity that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Felicity is his best friend, his partner, his girlfriend - she is his world. To lose her would be to lose the bits of himself that he had discovered within their relationship. She had taught him patience and understanding. She had taught him to believe in himself, even when every part of him screamed for him not to, even when the nightmares called for his head. Ultimately, she had taught him that Oliver Queen did not have to be defined by the mistakes of his past. Oliver Queen could be whoever he wanted him to be and _she_  made him want more. 

To have Felicity suddenly threatened from his life, Oliver hadn’t known what to do. His whole world had just been rocked by the discovery of a son he didn’t even know about; Oliver couldn’t lose Felicity in amidst all of this. He knows - with unfathomable regret - that choosing to lie to Felicity would hurt her all the more but the fear of losing her is too much. He wants to tell her. He wants to tell her _everything_ , to let her know that he has a son, to let her know that he’s going to do everything he can for William - because she taught him that he was so much more than just a mask - and to let her know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he can’t. A part of him - the part that constantly doubts and runs when life gets too hard - is suffocating him. Oliver can’t breathe long enough to utter the words that he knows he must say. He wishes he was stronger. He wishes he could fight off the fear but he is so scared to lose the one thing in his life he actually did right that he’s paralysed. His mind is shouting at him for being so weak but Oliver _is_  weak. 

So he watches her. He memorises the lines of her face, the curve of her lips and the way she twitches in her sleep, because Oliver knows that this lie won’t stay hidden for long and when it comes to light, he _will_  lose her - and when he does, he wants to be able to remember every single aspect of her - every single thing that makes Felicity who she is. 

Because he loves all of it. He loves all of her. 


End file.
